Creation holds God’s own signature to teach us how to nurture our children.
Ever
nurtured a sapling ? It is beautiful to see it grow while you till the
soil ,add manure, water , prune it, protect it from external harm –at
the same time allowing it to be exposed to the environment- gentle
breeze , sunlight - to make it stand stronger with deeper roots and
greener leaves , finally revealing the bud which longs to bloom from
within into what it was called to be , a beautiful flower bringing a
smile on your face , preparing to face the life journey ahead. Let me
pause for a moment ……
Sounds
quite ‘other’ worldly ? Isn’t it difficult to find this sight in the
concrete jungle most of us live in ? Yet this is the best analogy I
could find as God’s own model of letting children bloom in freedom. I
prefer the concept of ‘nurturing’ instead of ‘formation’ because
nurturing is what helps children grow and continue growing throughout
life. Formation on the other hand seems like moulding the child into a
pre-decided form and may stop further growth.
What
I mean to say is that our children have several dimensions of their
being . Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Spiritual, Social. While
being rooted in the family and faith community, it is important to allow
enough freedom to not let their growth be stifled in any dimension .
It calls for wisdom and right choices in everyday life.
FREEDOM
seems to be a controversial subject in every family , often also
leading to parents banging their heads against each other. But it is an
important part of parenting. I won’t talk about psychology or
techniques in this article . Let me share with you about some attitudes
Healthy communication within the family:
Sharing of feelings verbally:
Even
tiny tots have feelings. Ask them to share with you their feelings in
words – when they are angry, sad, happy, hungry, satisfied , jealous ,
sorry , lonely , fearful etc. Being in touch with feelings will help
them gradually understand the cause of these feelings . As they grow up
train them to understand the good feeling when they make right choices
until they learn to do the right thing not because it is a rule but
because it feels good and not do the wrong thing because that feels bad.
Help them to understand difference between temporary pleasure and
lasting joy.
Sharing of thoughts, dreams, joyful or sorrowful events etc.
Develop
in them a habit of narrating everything that happened from morning to
night . They will learn not to hide anything from you . Instead of
learning lessons by –heart, help them to understand their lessons in
school . Children have much to teach us in these times of advanced
media and communications. Be open to learn from them. Keep the computer
in the living room or a place where family members keep moving around
.This will balance freedom with monitoring what they do on the
internet. Let them learn to value the trust you place in them. I am
grateful to my parents who always trusted me to maintain my integrity .
This has helped me stand for my values through every situation, peer
pressures and storm in life.
Non-verbal interaction and physical presence in family
Children
grow up in a healthy manner if both parents are around . They learn the
greatest lessons from family life . How to share little tasks , take
responsibilities, care , enjoy , overcome differences , forgive etc.
Let them know what you think or feel – through your facial
experessions. But NEVER use physical violence to teach them a lesson.
Praying together
The
family rosary is the best traditional family prayer . In today’s noisy
world silence is also important. Try visiting the Blessed Sacrament
Chapel as a family if attending Mass together is difficult due to
Sunday school etc. or go on pilgrimage to a Shrine. Sing spiritual songs
or hymns together during special family moments. These memories will
always last.
Social life together as a family
Family
vacation, annual outings , meeting friends and relatives , even doing
some act of social service together will bring blessing and wholistic
growth of children.
These are suggestions for the growth of children in all dimensions of their being . The role of parents is to show them in which direction to grow freely , allowing them to learn from their own experiences in daily living , while we assure them of our loving presence to encourage them , trusting that the best in them will bloom through this freedom.