[The question below was sent to me by a reader. I have tried to answer it in the post ]:
“As we all know physical needs vary according to individuals
and age and it
is not fair to judge all equally with uniform codes relating to sexual morality.
Moreover though , in an individual the totality of the person with spiritual ,
mental and physical dimensions are to be considered , the priorities
differ according to stages in growth.Sexual fantasies and yearnings naturally get a
predominant place in teens and adolescents and youth.Repressing them leads to
mental perversions and affects the total person , especially when there are safe methods of
relieving/satisfying them.”
is not fair to judge all equally with uniform codes relating to sexual morality.
Moreover though , in an individual the totality of the person with spiritual ,
mental and physical dimensions are to be considered , the priorities
differ according to stages in growth.Sexual fantasies and yearnings naturally get a
predominant place in teens and adolescents and youth.Repressing them leads to
mental perversions and affects the total person , especially when there are safe methods of
relieving/satisfying them.”
Whether there should be a uniform code regarding sexual morality , applying to all humanity
irrespective of gender, age-group,
economic, social, geographical, cultural conditions and religions etc. is a perennial question debated by moralists
around the world.
The sexual instinct is
hormonal , it is Natural and a gift of God to humans . The attraction to
a person of the opposite sex, is a Natural law imprinted in humans for their
own good and for procreation. It is Universal. However God has also given
Reason to humans and this is what differentiates between a man and a beast. The Natural law is regulated by society
through Human law based on Reason for the common good depending on the context
of every society.
e.g. In
some parts of India, it is considered
immoral for a man to even hold
the hands of his wife in public . In
cities the public expression of affection between spouses is more accepted but still limited , compared to what the
cultures and practices in Europe and America
permit. There it is common
for men and women who are strangers to
greet with a kiss. The same is
unacceptable between man and wife in most parts of India. Every society has its own
customs and Human laws. It would not be fair to judge everyone equally with
uniform norms around the world. And yet , human laws can be challenged by
Natural law from which they is derived.
In some parts of the world , it
is considered normal for adolescents to indulge in sex without
marriage , both in the advanced /contemporary societies and the primitive
tribes.
Human law varies according to country, cultural group, situation etc. Yet there is something broadly common to it
[based on Natural law imprinted by the Creator]. Since time immemorial and all over the world, Marriage as an institution has been practiced only between men and women
. Today of course there are debates and
struggles for same sex marriages etc.
I’m sure as a Jew Jesus Himself was influenced by Human law in His society [based on Reason] which had got refined into Jewish law made explicit through the Ten Commandments
revealed by God to Moses, from the natural law written on the heart to be
written on tablets of stone . Jesus’ own
teachings have refined them
further. His life and teachings are THE reference point for decisions on morality
because He revealed Himself as the Way
the Truth and the Life.
Imagine a situation of a young
boy in whose culture it is common
practice for adolescents to give free
expression to the sexual urges by having
sex with any girl he wants to. He
moves to a place where it is
considered immoral for a girl to even talk to an unknown boy before
marriage. If the boy rapes
her , would his act be justified
because it is an acceptable practice in
his own community ? Here we see a conflict between the Human laws of two
different societies. In one society he would be declared innocent according
to law of his own people and in
another he would be declared guilty.
How does Jesus look at this
situation?
Would His judgment be based on whether the accused
was a Jew , a Gentile, a Samaritan, an adolescent , a married man etc ?
Would His judgment be
different towards His own followers /
disciples ? Would He be lenient with some and strict with others ?
Did Jesus define morality from
person to person on Individual basis or according to the Common good of the
community , or equitably by being Fair
to all involved ?
We cannot deal with all these questions in one post but lets try to understand the Mind of Jesus Christ in this matter. When
God created man and woman, He had a Plan which was thwarted due to Original sin, [humankind’s deviation from God ]. He had to send His Son Jesus into the world to reconcile all to Himself , to bring that
Plan to fulfilment. So it was necessary
for Jesus to show us that we are
different from beasts , not only we have Reason as human beings, but we are created in God’s image and likeness ,
destined to a refined , beautiful life
which promotes the possible
reality of the Kingdom of God.
Jesus did not preach against natural or human law or Jewish law . He
fulfilled it in Himself , making it advanced
in quality. Christian Discipleship is
easy to recognize through its
Quality.
To an adolescent boy in whose society it was normal
to give free expression to his sexual urges by sleeping with any girl , Jesus would be understanding but
teach him the dignity of every boy and girl created in God’s image and
likeness , He would teach him the need and value of marriage
lived in faithfulness , to promote the
Kingdom of God. He would gift him the
Spirit to enable him to exercise Self-control . He would teach him the value of Agape , the
importance of the common good and the
rightful place of Eros in marriage.
He would teach that a Disciple is
enabled to take up his cross and follow Him .
In context of catholic adolescents in today’s world , the same could be said. Being a Christian is demanding . It is a choice to follow the values of the Kingdom
and not those of the world.
The phase of adolescence with its
sudden surge of hormones is a phase of transition . How pastors , parents , teachers help them to mature thru
the phase is important. They can
help them understand that sexual
fantasies and yearnings are normal and a gift from God . But to
act on them, to relish them
would become sinful. Repressing
them is not the answer . Relief
and satisfaction thru masturbation ,
sexual activity with another will also
not prevent mental perversion or
deviation but may lead to
burden of guilt feelings and
complexes in the mind. So how should they deal with this phase ?
Let me share a concrete example
of a family that came to me for
therapy.
The parents are devout
Catholics . As their son entered adolescence
, he had a sudden growth
spurt and became a man physically , but
emotionally and mentally he
was still making transition from
childhood to adolescence. This boy became guilt ridden due to sexual fantasies involving
his own little sister and mother.
His guilt reached such proportions that he fell sick , would not get out of his room and stopped attending school . He
asked to go for Confession everyday and
was told by the priest to ‘kill’
his fantasies which he couldn’t. The situation worsened and the entire family was distressed. The boy would spend much time praying
and said he wanted to become a priest because he thought sex is dirty.
When they came to me for help , I explained
to the boy exactly what was happening in
his body. I told him that his fantasies were a normal part of growing up and given by God at his young age to help him learn to be in control. So he should
not fight against the thoughts and feelings .It would be sinful only if he acted on them or relished
them. His sudden growth spurt had made him physically weak , anaemic and hence unable to cope with other stress like studies , his sexual fantasies etc. We put him
on nutritional supplements to take care of his malnourishment. Gave him some bach-flower remedies to assist
him to deal with his feelings of depression , guilt etc.
The family was asked to pray the rosary together
with him. He was asked to return to school
instead of sitting at home and to have physical activity like walking , sports. He was also asked to volunteer for some charitable activity.
This Holistic approach taking care
of the body, mind, spirit, social life etc. helped the
boy tremendously and very soon he became normal. It was the Safest method to deal with the situation , without any repression.
It could not be managed alone by the boy. It meant involvement and support by the
entire family which was possible because
they had trained their child to share all his feelings
with them and he was loved unconditionally.
